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SHOW DATE: OCTOBER 9, 2013

Dr. Kathleen Maloney, Superintendent of the Port Washington school district In Long Island, New York, has temporarily banned footballs, soccer balls, baseballs—basically anything that may cause injury—at a local school. Why? She wants to make sure that, “the children have fun, but are also protected.”

Maloney, we know you’re trying to protect the children, but let’s face what’s really happening here: you’re a control freak. You’re acting just like the refrigerator nazi who labels everyone’s food. Part of being a kid is stumbling and falling and getting hurt—let it happen.

Eventually someone’s going to eat your sandwich, and eventually a kid’s going to scrape his knee. Maloney, you’re not helping by being the den mother, you’re just exercising your need to be in control.

We say, play ball!

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